Flamingo Dancer’s blog

We have finished Le Grande Coq and moved onto a Cockfighter's Ghost...is anyone sensing a theme here? Besides drinking and happy dancing in celebration that is. Language is no barrier.

Cockfighter's ghost : Named after a ghostly steed, said to reside upon Pooles Rock vineyard

viewing the light at the end of the tunnel

I had a great moment early yesterday morning, as I sat in the lecturer theatre waiting for the conference to begin and for my scheduled time to present my conference paper. Well, I had a couple actually, but one was earth shattering.

On the very first day of my studies this year, I struggled with flipping the lecturer table up on my seat in the first lecture hall and I had to be shown how to get the damn thing into position. Yesterday morning, in a totally different lecturer theatre, I saw my neighbour struggling with her lecturer table and assisted her to get it up and into place. I laughed and said what a sense of achievement I felt from that one little thing. It seemed to represent in some way the long journey that I have been on this year. Of course the sage in front of me laughed and said 'let's hope that is not all we have learnt this year'. It wouldn't have mattered all that much if it was, as I have changed so much over this year, met some wonderful people, who, while I know they won't stay in my life after this week, have contributed to a very profound expreince for me.

I was reading the conference booklet, looking at all the great papers being presented that day, and feeling my nervousness mounting, when my tutor walked by. I wish such a teacher on every student at some stage in their life, and hopefully at a time when they can gain most from them. She turned and called out to me 'Flamingo Dancer! You are going to be great today, you have written a really fantastic paper and your power point slides are wonderful!' I said that I guessed it was only a half hour of my life, but I was still feeling nervous. And then she stopped and thought a moment and she smiled and said ' Think of it this way, you are presenting for all the people in the world who suffer anxiety because of their difficulties with perfectionism'. And at that moment, I calmed down. She was right, as here I was having a chance to present to a group of educators a problem that I know has severely handicapped the lives of several people I know and more than a few students I saw while prac teaching. If my few simple words made an imprint on one of them, and they could help one person as a result, and even though I will never know that, I will have lived a life well lived.

I was 3rd to present. It was a good position as we were all fresh and not yet uncomforatble from sitting for too long. I was happy with my performance. Well, I am Flamingo Dancer after all! Actually I was more than pleased with my presentation because when I started this degree course I was so frightened at the thought of standing up in front of my peers and speaking that I really worried whether I would be able to complete the course. Now I can stand up in front of a room of strangers and speak. Maybe sometimes it is incoherent, or dribble, but damn I can do it.

Afterwards a couple of people came up to me and said how much they enjoyed my presentation and how they identified many aspects of their own personalities in what I had described. I suspect that most university students suffer from perfectionism to some degree, how else do they stay the course? Of course we all have to write 'attention to detail' on our resume, don't we? So we are expected to be perfectionists, even though it makes our life unhappy  and often derails our learning. I felt please anyway, because I had delivered my message and hopefully the message will be passed on.

At the end of the day, most of my colleagues were going for drinks, but I was exhausted and had arranged for Son to pick me up anyway. I must admit that sitting from 8.30am to 5.30pm with just a lunch break and a couple of toilet breaks really put my back and neck into painful zones, so I really did just want to go home. They didn't need Flamingo Dancer dancing on the tables and telling everyong that she loved them in a slurred tongue. Not that I wouldn't have done it in an original memorable suprior style! 

So all I can say is - take that leap, test yourself, go for the mountain top. AGE DOESN"T MATTER!  It won't be easy and it will be scarey. At times you will be exhausted, and frightened and overwhelmed. There are no guarantees at the end. No promises that you will get a better job, or a pot of gold, but what you gain as a person, the little treasures that come your way on the journey are worth every moment of the journey, pain and all. Join the parade.

I am partaking of a small, well middish, glass of a cheeky little le grand coq cabernet sauvignon 2004. It's promotional claim is that it is produced from very well hung grapes. I have no idea where or when we obtained it, I suspect it was either a gift, or purchased in one of the moments of holiday hilarity when one thinks everything is humorous and a must have. It has been cellared very carefully in a cardboard cartoon that once contained reams of printing paper, in the corner of our living room, for heavens knows how long. Maybe since 2004.  It did have the requisite covering of dust though.

I drink it as I write my way through my first draft of my last assignment in my postgraduate degree. Perhaps too soon to celebrate...but damn I am being creative. Luckily I don't have to hand the assignment in until Monday so I have time to sober up and edit!

It tastes very nice....

I walked outside this Sunday morning and the jasmine vine was blossoming , and the magnolia tree was flowering and the gardenias are in bloom and the birds were in the trees chirping...a perfect Spring day.

Friday presents Word Salad : White glove you're too clean.

Are you a perfectionist?