Discombobulation in the Valley of the Dolls
I am feeling discombobulated this Saturday.
I am feeling confused, disconcerted, upset and frustrated. The job situation is an issue to itself. My neck/back issue is the source of my feelings today. I think. I have been on this journey for four years now and just when I think it is on the up well, it seems to go down, down, down.
This time around has taken me back psychologically as well as physically. Maybe it is because it has happened on top of the work issues, I don't know. Maybe it is the weather too - after a week of bad weather everyone is feeling very much under siege. We have been told to expect more tonight - with very strong winds - and as Daughter 2 said this morning, that as she can view the Brisbane river and all the flood debris flowing down it from her high rise office, that one almost feels like it is Armageddon.
I went to my doctor yesterday at my physiotherapist's request, and my doctor prescribed a muscle relaxation. The doctor said well we can try this and try that, and all that sounded a bit dire and more than I wanted to undertake, so we opted for an alternative that I can take when needed, not as a daily dose. I am happy with that. I however have to be very responsible with it all as it can be addictive. That is a big warning signal to me as my family has a history of addiction to alcohol, and my sister was addicted to prescription drugs back in the early 70s thanks to an irresponsible doctor and our lack of knowledge of such things. I fear entering the Valley of the Dolls. However, I need something, and now I have something - for a very short time.
I am not allowed to go to the gym as yet - and we all know how I was just dying to get off the couch and exercise my little butt of!!!! I may be able to do pilates and so will investigate that with physiotherapist next week. In the meantime, my doctor wants me to try walking.
I can do than. YES I CAN! Don't laugh. Ok laugh. I started this morning. I shed the neck collar, as I am allowed brief moments of escape over the weekend. It is so hot and I have already developed a slight heat rash from the damn thing. I toddled off and did a lap of the block. It took me about 20 minutes, which was my allowance for the first day. I must confess that it took me longer to get ready for the walk than the walk took to complete! Short as it was, I came back sweating like a gross pig too. It was nice though, as since the spring and all the rain the neighbourhood gardens have grown and are now looking quite established. It is about 7 years since this estate was developed and while some of us struggled to establish gardens, a lot did little. Now with water tanks and rain, things have flourished and the suburb is taking on a more settled look. It is nice.
We have been here 6 years but in many ways we still feel like we are just visiting. Any minute I expect to wake up and find myself back in Toowoomba. This is home now, and we love our house, but it still seems "new". A state of mind I suppose. I think you get more of a sense of place when you have babies and live through the growing years somewhere.
ANYWAY I digress, as I do. So I am doing the right thing (today) and I am hopeful that the feelings of discombobulation will diminish as the day goes on. If not, well this little flamingo dancer might pretend she is actually an ostrich and put her head in the sand for awhile. I am trying to keep busy. Son and I are working on a new independent blog page for me - I am a bit frustrated with what I can do with vox - no room for creativity or orginality and so I gave us a project. He just loves working with Mother - NOT! Hence its slow progress. In between, I just rock and bash my head against the wall.
It is a full life on the edge of the Valley of the Dolls.
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Comments
Thank you!
It is hard because you look fine, and indeed don't really want to make a fuss of what is happening to you, because much bigger things happen to people, but it just so limits you and what you want to do, It starts to define who and what you are and that seems so unfair at times. I get so frustrated because my mind is going one way and my body is pulling me another.
BLAH!
Maybe if I double the dose I will feel nothing at all!!!!
It will improve I am sure ... wont go away, but it can improve, so that is good.
I had my shoulder reconstructed and was in pain for quite a while and I must admit using it helped the most, I have recently hurt the same shoulder again and I am not sure how but I use a product called phiten, I found it at the Vic Markets you can also get it online, it has helped a lot also a friend of mine using it for her arthritis.
A hot cuppa tea also helps just to feel good.
I hope your day improved.
I hope the physiotherapy helps. I keep telling myself to go back to Pilates. It is good fro me in so many ways.
It really sucks when your mind says yes and your body says no. And we are just at the top of the hill!
I totally understand the new home thing too, we've been here 5 years, and it still seems new (and exciting) to me too.
((((hugs))) gf, I hope you heal quickly.
I do need the medication. I pretended I didn't but my physiotherapist knew I did, thankfully. I am very mindful of when I take it and make it a very conscious decision, not just an automatic pilot thing.
I just feel very small and fragile and somewhat withdrawn the last couple of days. I think maybe all that has happened is just coming together a little too much. It seems that everytime I turn around another door just slams shut in my face and that is hard for someone who does not like other people, or things, setting her agenda. I am just going to have dig deep and reignite my inner flamingo dancer spirit!
Thanks for the care and concern.
With the neck collar on people sort of understand but when I don't use it, even though the condition is still there, no one has any idea how or what I am feeling so I feel like I have to pretend all is good, when often my head is screaming NO NO! Daughter 2 suffers from chronic fatigue and when she first developed it at age 15 she got the worst treatment from the medical profession and other people as for a long time she had no name to hand on her condition and even our family doctor just labelled her as having school anxiety. We knew something was wrong and kept fighting, but now I understand how she must have felt feeling so bad and yet looking normal. So isolated at times.
I resent the loss of things. I know it could be a lot worse. I just need to regroup I think. Sort a few things out.
I am taking just half the does too! I thought if I can cope with that level it would make it easier in the long run. Mr FD has already noticed I am not nagging him on quite the same level of intensity so I may have to watch him topping up my tea! I guess my negative might be his positive.
You have obviously led an active life, whereas I have not exercised since leaving school!!!!! It was never something that I missed. Take my books away from me and I will kill your young however - that is my life!!!!
Some of those medications have street value! Beware but, not rough on thyself. Take what you need and leave the rest in the nest.
As a Flamingo, with backward bending knees, this must doubly troubling.
Whatever the difficulty one thing will carry you through...you're pink.
If I were pink they'd be preparing the nets.
my mother always told my children that they would see pink elephants if they ate chocolate before bed - was that you?
I will be careful and cautious, thank you. Maybe the backward knees is what is actually causing all my ills! I never thought of that. I certainly do hope to be in the pink soon!
The back thing just flares up for little or no reason and then I get depressed.
I wish the job thing could get sorted. I would like to know where I am going, one way or another - though preferably into another job.
Can I order you a new pair of wings from Ebay? ((((hugs))))