Flamingo Files
- Why is that when you take a couple days off work, someone writes a melodrama at work and has you as the main character but forgets to tell you? I was away from work 2 days and the headless chicken dancing began and a few minor people decided that instead of speaking directly to me on a minor issue they would run straight to the top and act as though I was responsible for world debt and the rice shortage. I guess it made them feel important, but all I could mutter to Mega Boss was "people never talk to me" and if they did I could explain the mechanics of the process and the huge number of people involved - not just them. Plebs.
- Why does the underwire in my bra, after what seems like only a very short time, start to poke into my armpits? Who ever thought underwire was a good idea anyway? Would a guy wear an underwire in his jock strap?
- When I have an egg on toast, I not only butter my toast, but I have jam on my toast as well. I place the egg on top of the jam toast and eat together. My sister does the same thing. I think It is a throw back to our German genes - the sweet and savoury thing German's love so much. I also like jam with wurst /sausage.
- Last night my husband said that things were quiet at work. I said that things always get busy when he hits the road checking the troops. He said he did not have time to hit the road. This morning he woke up and said he will be away for the next two nights. ??? This he knew when he was telling me he was too busy to be away....then tonight he phones after dinner and says he is still at the office and will actually be home tonight and will go on the trip tomorrow. And they say women are unpredictable!
- Not only is most of my body heading south but it is shrinking as well. Maybe that is why the underwire in poking my armpits...and sadly there wasn't much to work with in the first place.
- I hadn't heard from 2nd daughter for a few days ( a text message for Mother's Day while I was away). I sent her an email this morning saying 'Remember me, I used to be your mother" and she emailed back "I have an opening for a new mother if you care to apply" I replied "send me the criteria sheet and I will see if I can fit it into my schedule". I am still waiting.
- We have a woman in our office who is pregnant. Her body is a temple. She is acting like no one has ever had a baby before and that she is carrying the Christ child. I want to tear her arms and legs off and gnaw them like a rabid dog. She is leaving at the end of June to await the blessed event... not too soon. I will hold the door open for her as she exits. I may even hire a marching band.
- I have three new jackets for winter but the weather is still hot. If I had nothing to wear but last year's outdated coat it would be blowing a bliazzard. I also treated myself to a new handbag and that I did use today. I am a one handbag girl - one basic colour and I take it everywhere. I get tired of switching the kitchen sink from bag to bag so stick with one. I think I am short a girl gene or two.
- At what age do you stop getting hair growth on your legs? I am sick of doing my legs. Old ladies never seem to hairy legs. Probably because Mother Nature knows then can't bend over to shave them anymore so she takes pity on old ladies. There has to be some plus for looking like a prune.
- If I was Queen of the World I would give me a 7 day weekend. I would consider giving you one too.
- If I went to New Zealand tonight I would get $1.24NZ for every $1AUS I exchanged. New Zealanders drive too fast and have mutiple little white crosses by the side of the road wherever you go, marking spots where people die. It is so depressing it makes you cry, It doesn't slow them up though. What else could you expect from the people who invented Bungy Jumping except a strong death wish. Beautilful country, crazy mind set.
- I think Obama should invite Caroline Kennedy to be VP. No one would dare vote against her.
- Why do motorcyclists think they don't have to follow the road rules and can weave in and out of the traffic from lane to lane without indication? And then I would feel bad for ever if I hit them. Sometimes I day dream of opening my car door so that they slam into it as they try to pass me. I have many evil thoughts as I drive my car.
- If I am watching tv in bed I expect my husband to not complain and just to try and sleep with the noise and light. If he is watching tv and I want to go to bed I expect him to switch the tv off immediately. I think that is the correct order of things.
- Tomorrow is going to be another long day. I sense these things.I may stop at the store and buy a new life on the way to work. This one doesn't really work for me. I deserve better.
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Comments
love your sense of humor and the way you take life-- and the passing of the years-- in stride.
This made me laugh, laugh, laugh. First, because I too, am mystified by my toxic relationship with the underwire. It chafes at me all day, and yet I am completely dependent upon it if I don't want my breasts to sit in my lap by the time I'm 40.
And people who treat pregnancy like their ticket to canonization drive me crazy as well. A certain in-law of mine who shall remain unnamed is the worst perpetrator I know. The world must grind to a halt on its axis when she's pregnant, we must all pay homage to her "difficult" and arduous pregnancies. My blood pressure goes up just thinking about it!
A wonderful list, but the jam and sausage reference made it sublime.
I would like my 7-day weekend, please, so I could go to the market and stock up.
I have bad recall on life's moments. I can only remember snippets of my life so it is easy to remember stream of consciousness comments. They are on repeat in my head!
I walk on the weird side of life.