27 posts tagged “gender”

I watched Mean Girls. I actually enjoyed it. SSSHHHHHH.

I think the scene that I like best is towards the end where they go to the Maths Competition, where there is only one girl on each team. It comes down to the wire and the girls get chosen for sudden death round as they are considered the weak link  - and of course they win! Then they go back to the Spring Fling and Miss Lohan wins Queen and she breaks the crown into pieces and throws pieces to everyone - messages aplenty. Don't fall for sterotypes, make up your own mind about people and things, girls can do maths and science, and we are all valuable human beings - value diversity.

There were lots of things in the movie that made me very angry, but it ended on the right note. The only thing I didn't agree with was that the all had to have the big romances to have a happy ending. Life is not like that. Romance does not complete your life, it is just one facet of a person's life. Sometimes it comes your way, sometimes it doesn't. Sometime you choose it, sometimes you don't.

The End

the answer is out there somewhere

The distinguished GOF and I are in a quandry. GOF read my blog from late last week regarding my interchange with the elderly gentlemen who was buying a gift for his wife. GOF asked How could a man ever perform a similiar kindness? Or if a man detected that a woman, a stranger,  was feeling low, how could he ever offer her words of understanding with being viewed as having evil intent?

I have thought about this all evening, and I must admit that I am a little tired after my day's adventures, but I am yet to come up with an adequate reply. A man can no longer say "you look lovely today" to a female colleague without running the possibility of his words being viewed as sexual harassment. Yet, a woman can say, "you look dashing today" to a male and all is fine.

I know I would welcome such a kindness from a man. I like it when they hold doors open for me. I always reply with a smile and a clear thank you, as I know that men find it very confusing as to what their role is these days.

A few months ago, when I was wearing my neck collar, I was standing outside the physiotherapist's office. I had cause to wipe my eye with a tissue. A man walking by got the impression that I may have been crying and so, as he passed me he said, "Don't worry, tomorrow is sure be better". He didn't stop, he just spoke as he walked by. Even though I was not upset, I was very touched that he had taken the time to care - well obviously I must have been to be mentioning it here now.

I have consoled a male work colleague by placing an arm around his shoulder. He could never do the same. Some of the implied permission comes with age. Once a woman reaches middle age and starts to be viewed less sexually, she can adopt the role of confident and friend, offer compliments and shoulders to cry one. I think a man can to, once he has hit a certain age - but at a later age than a woman,  maybe retiring age. Men appear less "dangerous" as they age don't they? Whether that be true or not is all in the perspective, but we all commented how lovely it was for Emjay to sit on the stairs and spend time with her old male neighbour last week, but would our comments have been the same if Emjay had said he was a young man?

GOF suggested that men are not as sensitive as women to instances where assistance or support, physical or verbal, are required and so often to fail to offer any. I agree to a degree. I also suspect that we have conditioned men "not to go there". Generations have been told that men don't cry, and that men must be men and all the "gooey" emotional stuff is women's business. That is going to take a long time to rewrite.

But don't we all have times when we just need a smile, or a helping hand, don't we? It is sad to think that pure hearts that would like to offer it have barriers placed in front of them. How can a middle ground be found? Or is it just an out and out impossibility for one half of the human race?

test driving our new car

I am exhausted.

We spent the day shopping for a new car. I have been living this day in man zone. What is it about the sight of a new car that brings out that glint in a man's eye only seen previously when he is seeking to discard his virginity?

Currently we have a large 6 cylinder "family" sedan, which I drive 95% of the time, and then only shopping, or once upon a time when I worked. We want/need to downsize. Well, we had talked about it for some time and thought we would take the car on our 7,000 klm trek to South Australia/Victoria, which we did in September. It was fun. Now, however, we don't need a large car, need to reduce costs, and of course would like to cut back on our carbon footprint etc. I also wanted a smaller car to park in those ever decreasing shopping mall car park spaces.

So off we went. I thought we were "just browsing, thanks" but apparently we actually had an appointment with a dealer rep for 10am. Mr FD told me at 9.20, and we live a good half hour from the car dealership. I was ready in 7 minutes. AND LOOKING GOOD, thank you very much! He was not ready. It was a chanc for me to remind him what a perfect wife I am. Then he got us lost on the way over, so we arrived about 25 minutes late....we left the dealership at 3pm. We drove several differents cars, even the ones that I said "in your dreams, buddy!" We negotiated, we pretended we were tough, we caved. I hit Mr FD several times, as he kept wanting to upscale and I had to keep reminding him that it was actually MY car as he has a large company car. No, I didn't need the sports pack. Or blue tooth - I don't believe in talking on the phone while driving - driving is driving, it kills. Yes, we used to have a sun/moon roof that only our son ever opened when he borrowed our car - a bald Mr FD does not need a SUN roof. I can turn my own lights on thank you...I can even turn my own wipers on. I have had all that with our present car and I am over it. A car is a money loser. The minute you drive it out of the car yard it starts to devalue. It is a tool not a status symbol to me. Like all men Mr FD thinks that the size of your car equals the size of your penis....we settled for a mid sized car. No comment. 

I will be sad to hand over the old car. We have had it just 3 years and it is a lovely car. Great to drive. Times have changed and our life has changed, so time to move on. Funny how a car starts to feel like a member of the family though. It isn't - it is tin and plastic and metal and cloth and oil. But it is still like leaving behind a trusted friend.

New car smell though! About next Friday.

Between the ages of 45 and 55 women on average can expect to gain at least 5.5 kg.

I am just over the 50 mark…. And statistically speaking I should have only gained an extra 2.75 kg by now

I must be in the advanced class…

Do men have more of a flatulence problem than women, or do women just pass it more competently?

If you don't know Kimber please go to her blog and read about "sisters" and how the sisterhood came to her rescue with her holiday preparations.

Better than fantastic.

I’m sorry. I don’t think I am different to you. I am an individual, but I am also the same as a good many other people. I am however narcissistic to a degree and I don’t think that is a bad thing. My narcissism is what creates and maintains my individualism and independence and allows me to survive in my world.

I do not feel that I have to inflate my individualism for fear of vanishing. I was born, thus I inherited the earth, what more do I need than that?

I also believe that the fact that I do not suffer from hugely inflated individualism makes me a solid, supportive partner, strong parent, reliable friend, and constant in an emergency. I like that about me and I think others appreciate it to.

As I matured through my forties I feared becoming invisible and vowed that I would not allow it to happen to me. I plotted and planned to stop it happening. I now know that it would never have happened, because just by living my life, living the big and the small things of everyday life and engaging with other people makes me visible. I crafted my own watermark just by living the life that I wanted.

So, going “placidly amid the noise and haste” has been the best thing for me. I don’t need to add to the cacophony to be a somebody or a something. I am already. A little individualistic flamingo dancing from time to time is just enough to keep the spirit glowing and the heart pumping.

Happy if you want to dance along.  We all have the same dance card.

Got a big jolly today.

Apparently MegaBoss, Boss. and the gent who is "acting" for Mega Bitch now that she is no more, and has never been part of our organisation and is MERELY a friend of MegaBoss, have been meeting over the past few days trying to find a way to compile some specific information.

Being men they did not think to ask the person who is actually the specialist in that area - YES, MOI! The one and only Flamingo Dancer!  Finally the Acting One phoned me from his throne room and asked me if he could do this or that and I said "what is it you want to do actually?" and lo, it was so simple I almost burst ou laughing. Within half an hour I had the report on its way to his kingdom. I did enjoy the fact that I calmly made it look so simple, well it was actually, but they were stupid enough not to ask the right person in the first place so they deserved to sweat for a couple of days.

The jollies don't come often these days, but rare jewels that they are, they are still there to be enjoyed. And I did! Happy, happy little flamingo dance...it is a small life, but someone has to live it.

Life lesson 483 : Take your enjoyment, no matter how small, where and when you can! They don't often get offered twice.

Martha's Thursday hint:

WHAT IF YOU EVER NEED TO USE THE BAKING PAN, FOR LIKE BAKING?

In Flamingo Dancer World that would mean that all the stuff in the pan would have to come out of the cupboard and onto the kitchen bench, along with the all the baking ingredients, and then they would have to sit there until the pan was free again, and in Flamingo Dancer World that could mean they may all sit there for at least 5 weeks, maybe a month or three longer.

Surely you can do better than this, Martha? Can't we fold our own box out of origami paper and then stencil kitchen motifs on the side as well create a stamped name label that says "Pantry Staples" in our favourite font, from a rubber stamp we chiselled ourselves while riding the bus to work? I think Martha's standards have dropped, don't you?

The Anti-Martha in Flamingo Dancer World

If you remember back a couple of days you may remember that I wrote that Mr FD had reversed his usual habit of loosing things on his trips away and this time had left his phone at the airport before he even left? Well, he reverted back to his usual habit in the end. Sad isn't it?

He left his credit card at a pub on the Atherton Tableland (North Queensland) where he stopped for lunch. He was almost back to Cairns when he remembered and so had to turn around and go back for it. At least he remembered. I have spent  a lot of time cancelling credit cards over the years. I have also tracked down mobile phones in taxis in distant cities. We wont go into the effort that went into getting him home from Holland when his passport, briefcase and laptop were stolen in Amsterdam. I had this vision that his plane would finally land in Brisbane and a door would open, and Mr FD thrown out onto the tarmac. He would be naked except for a little tag hung around his neck, saying Please Return to Australia.

Of course on the home front he cannot be trusted to switch the stove off, and is under severe instructions not to walk away from the coffee machine when he is making his coffee. We have already had one explosion and we are onto our second machine! I long ago bought an iron that switches off after 15 minutes of non movement. In the very first years of marriage he was banned from putting bottles of beer and the like in the freezer to chill quickly as I got tired of cleaning beer and glass fragments from the frozen peas.

We have lost count of the books he has donated to airlines, the bottles of after shave left in motel bathrooms and the underpants left under motel beds.

I put most of this down to the fact that men cannot multitask. Sorry, but it is true, I have living proof. They really can only master one thing at a time. They may do that one thing really well, but ask for a second task to go alongside and chaos ensures. For Mr FD the other task is speaking. He talks. He talks all day. He talks at night, even in his sleep as told previously. He talks over other people. He is perpetually in conversation, often with himself as I have tuned out long ago, but he rarely notices. So if he is speaking, he forgets to pay attention to all the other stuff - like credit cards, phones, luggage, coffee machines. And so the loss ensures.Or the explosion.

Luckily he has a great sense of direction and somehow manages to always find his way home. It probably helps that our house is in a totally different style to every other house in the street!