33 posts tagged “marriage”

saying it like it is

Yesterday
9 comments

I just walked into the kitchen and found Mr FD standing at the bench waiting for the kettle to boil to make his coffee. He was murmuring "My husband and I..." to himself.

I know that I am a goddess, but I have no intention of delivering a Christmas message ... too much caffeine?

Mr FD is giving me a GPS for my car as my Christmas present. He knows that I have no sense of direction and I am quite convinced that he hopes that should I ever decide to run away, that I can run, far, far, away.

the family laundry

Dec 5, 2009
21 comments

Washing day at W. H. Corkhill's home Marengo, with Gertrude McKern and Maude Bate aust

When I had a Monday-Friday job, Saturday was naturally laundry day. Every week I would have to ask Mr FD to carry the laundry hamper downstairs for me, as it was often too heavy for my back. May I repeat, EVERY Saturday I had to ASK Mr FD to bring down the laundry hamper from our bathroom.

Now, I don't have a Monday to Friday routine, and I do laundry during the week, trying to leave the weekends free. You know, just in case the last threads of our sanity tear and we give in to spontaneity, heaven forbid!

NOW that I no longer do laundry on a Saturday, every Saturday without fail, WITHOUT A REQUEST, Mr FD brings down the laundry hamper and places it with pride in the middle of our small laundry. It sits there like a dog poop on your priceless heirloom rug. I say nothing, trying to ignore it, but oddly enough it makes me want to rip his throat out.

I do not do the laundry. It sits there until the day I do, in the meantime, our dirty clothes mount up on the floor of our bathroom. I prefer not to say anything as when I am back in the work force I will no doubt want him to bring that damn laundry hamper down each and every Saturday again.

I just want to know - does he know what he is doing? Is he playing games with me - stirring the lizard he calls it. Passive aggressive games of marriage...sigh. Or did he just finally get the message through his damn thick skull and is now probably wondering why I am not postulating myself at his feet in gratitude?

Is it him, or is it me? I know, it's him. It is always him.

Mr FD's night tales

Dec 3, 2009
30 comments

Tuesday night:

FD rolls over in bed.

Mr FD : Be careful!

FD: What?

Mr FD : Be careful of the chicks!

FD: Chicks? We have chicks in our beds?

Mr FD : Penguin chicks.

FD: How many penguin chicks are in our bed?

Mr FD : Lots - 8 to 12 at least.

FD : We have 8 to12 chicks sleeping in our bed with us?

Mr FD : Yes, so be careful when you move.

FD: If they poop on the sheets I won't be happy

Mr FD : Oh they won't do that, they have diapers.

FD : Of course they would! How long are these chicks staying with us in our bed

Mr FD: I don't know, awhile. Until their parents come back for them.

FD: And where are their parents?

Mr FD; On holiday.

FD: You are making them breakfast.

Wednesday night

Mr FD : I am going public

FD: Going public about what?

Mr FD : Tiger Woods and I.

FD : You've had an affair with Tiger too?

Mr FD: Yes. I feel so used now.

FD: Where did you meet him?

Mr FD : In the valley [night area].

FD: What were you wearing?

Mr FD : A tight little number. Blue, orange, a splash of red.

FD: Did you wear heels?

Mr FD: Oh course! And sequins. It was kind of a jumpsuit thing.

FD: Do you think you will recover?

Mr FD : I feel sooooo used...sigh

I have a bone to pick

Nov 27, 2009
12 comments

Now that Mr FD is working from home and I am mistress of my own time, he has taken to asking me to accompany him on short trips about town, such as if he is dropping seed off for testing and knows he won't be away from the car long. I take a drink bottle and a book and sit under the shade of a tree for a few minutes if the car is too hot.

However, I draw the line at his whistling and calling "here girl!" when he wants to leave.

We are not amused...

there be dragons

Nov 9, 2009
8 comments

Is that a dragon I see before me?

Night 1:

Flamingo Dancer returns from the bathroom and Mr FD asks:

"Did you see any dragons?"

"Yes," said I. "They were bar-b-queing the yaks"

"I hope there are some leftovers for breakfast" he says and goes back to sleep.

Night 2:

Mr FD returns from the bathroom and I ask:

"Did you see any dragons?"

"Dragons!" Mr FD exclaims. "I am sick of slaying dragons. Day in, day out, nothing but dragon slaying. At least they could keep it down to one a day." He returns to bed and goes back to sleep.

Dragons and yaks in our backyard...the neighbours are not going to be happy at all.

matter of opinion

Oct 29, 2009
10 comments

I have a lot of assessment to complete

Mr FD is sitting having coffee with a business associate on our deck. I just overheard Mr FD explaining what life is like with the lovely Flamingo Dancer at the moment.

Perils for Mr FD

murder may be easier than I thought

Oct 27, 2009
25 comments

Mr FD works from his office at home

Mr FD can become very task focussed. He can work for hours on end very patiently in his office on his task without a noise. Of course it is only one task at a time, but we won’t go into that here.

In fact he becomes so task focussed that he does not notice anyone entering the room. A person can enter the room and at the first sound of a voice, Mr FD will jump with fright. A simple “hello” or “what are you doing?” or “would you like a cup of tea?” is enough to almost make his heart stop with fright.

The temptation is too much

I particularly enjoy the “would you like a cup of tea?” fright, because it sounds as though one is being kind and considerate, when in fact one is getting one’s own big jolly from the sight of seeing Mr FD leap in his chair. Life doesn’t get much better than that.

I didn't get a chocolate frog...

Oct 17, 2009
12 comments

I got this instead!

a fruit and nut mix which I adore!

I was so overcome with emotion that I told Mr FD that I would share with him. I have now come to my senses and hidden them in my secret hiding spot.

This would not have happened except for THE INCIDENT OF THE PHONE PHOTO.

Son arranged a new mobile phone for Mr FD while Mr FD was away this week and Mr FD has been playing with it ever since. Men and toys. Late yesterday I arrived home from lectures, hot and tired with a thumper of a headache (back problems flaring) and was making dinner when Mr FD approached with his phone and said he wanted to take my photo. The modern version of the wallet photo I guess. I posed and posed while he fiddled and got confused and took so long that my pose faded away. He took the photo.

He took one look at it and turned the photo towards me and said : "Look at the fat faced chick in my phone."

Yes dear reader, he survived the moment, but only just. However, he thought he was on a roll now and he went into his full "stir the lizard routine" as it calls it when he tries to make me angry - which you would be surprised to know is fairly easy. So he calls out to Son in his bedroom above "Son, come and see the photo of the fat faced chick I just took".

We did not speak for some time. Or rather I did not speak for some time. I went to bed early due to my headache and left the dishwasher duties to Mr FD. Well, I said something along the lines of "The damn dishwasher fairy better come tonight or else!"

When I came down this morning the dishwasher fairy had indeed been and I called back up the stairs to Mr FD "Thank you to the dishwasher fairy"

Mr FD : "What else could the dishwasher fairy do but the dishes for a fat faced chick"

FD: "I am not fat."

Mr FD: "You can say what you like but the proof is in my camera"

FD: "Do you want the ground glass in your coffee or your porridge?"

Mr FD knew he was a step too far now. "You know that I don't mean it, don't you?" Be afraid be very afraid. "I mean that would be like the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't it? I mean look at me!"

FD : "I know - I have been putting up with it for years."

And they lived happily ever after. He somewhat in fear and she content in the knowledge that she was not fat faced.