Daughter 1 and I went to have lunch with my mother, or "the old woman" as we call her now. She is 81. She cooked a full meat and 3 veg meal, and even had plum pudding for dessert! I felt like I was 8 years old again and back having our regular Sunday lunch, except it was Saturday! Every time I go home I am always struck by how little our family home is. I can't believe that my parents raised 3 children is such a small home. Not that it was smaller than other homes of its era. We did have three bedrooms, and in those days a lot of homes only had 2 bedrooms. When I was younger it seemed enourmous, but now, not so big. I sometimes feel like l am a giant in a doll's house when I visit now!
My sister and her husband, and their daughter, who is giving birth later this week, also came to lunch. My sister thinks I can't visit our mother without her being present to control everything. My sister is a control freak and so is our Mum, so they clash quite often. They both know I won't tolerate any control foisted upon me so have given up trying with me. We all love each other dearly despite the fact we are all so different.. families huh?
After lunch my girl friend whom I have known since we were 5 called in and so we had a chat as well. By the time we left at the end of the afternoon I was exhausted. Why is being nice so exhausting? Well, I find it exhausting anyway. I am not saying that I don't like being nice, I do, sometimes, but it does take such a lot of energy. I always need some quiet time and a nap after wards. It's all that thinking of polite conversations, and being witty, and remembering not to burp or stick one's fingers up one's nose before taking the last piece of cake, and all that stuff that wears me out. Being boring and inconsiderate and self- centered is far more natural for me. Second nature. Easy.
I think that I was really meant for a quiet life. My books, my music, my garden. My little family. For a long time I used to long to live in a light house, and then I read somewhere that the desire to live in a light house is a common fantasy for stressed people. Got me there! How am I going to not be stressed if just being nice stresses me out?
Anyway, I don't like heights, so I could really only live in the light house keepers house and that is the same as living in my own house, except my own house is better and the milk gets delivered more easily. And I don't clean windows.
