8 posts tagged “swkk”

All hands to the pump! Our office is sinking!

South East Queensland is experiencing a weather event, or in  good Aussie speak, a shit load of rain. We have had over 150mls of rain today. About 50mls yesterday. It lapped the top of our rain guage so there may have been more. It is so wet, in some places equal to the levels of the devasting 1974 floods. The region has been declared a natural disaster area tonight. They are warning us that the worst may be yet to come.

I arrived at school yesterday to find that the desk that I has made a land grab for on the first day was covered in water. The computer, monitor and keyboard were all sitting in a pool of rain.

Where was SWKK when I needed her? She would have mopped up the water with her hair and then lied down on the floor, mouth open and acted as a receptacle to take on board all the rogue water. I  had to move my own desk! I had to mop up the water with my  own aloe infused Kleenex tissues and then walk over to the office to report the leak!

I was not met with the response that a Flamingo Dancer in need would expect. The secretary spoke to the Vice Principal, which was only right.

He said "That building has been leaking since 1934".

Things obviously move slowly around The School. So, I played the old work place health and safety card as the electrics for the computers were in the damp area.

"Oh it is an interior wall! That's a new one!" Apparently the leaks were usually on the exterior [interior] walls. The joy of a new geyser was the most exciting thing since Sister Imelda  found raw sugar in the white sugar pot in 1968 it seemed! I was promised that someone would be sent over to "have a look".

He did come over and he did have a look. He told me that it was a new leak as usually the leaks were on the exterior walls. Oh and he said the the building always leaked. Did I mention that we are on the ground floor? There is a another floor above our sieve. Heaven only knows what the floor above is like! He also said "nothing we can do about it" and prepared to leave.

I blocked his escape route. Flamingo Dancer blood does not course through these blue viens for nothing! "Can you at least provide a bucket to stop the water spreading?"

He returned some time later and even made the extra effort to place the bucket into position. Another beast tamed.

We arrived this morning to find another FIVE (5) points of leakage had sprung forth. These were along the exterior walls. We prepared to go down with the sinking ship. All the Gen X/Y sat helplessly moaning "we are lost, we are lost!". Geeze Louise, move your desks, report it to the office and mop up the water!

Miss Musical Drama made an attempt to ring a groundsman as the phone was on her desk. After she was told she had a wrong number she gave it up as a bad joke. I didn't think it was a joke, good or bad. I went over to the staff room in the hope of finding something that we could use to mop up - and this called for some serious umbrella action as it was in another building, people. I was smart though and took my mug over to get a coffee at the same time. I think I was a time and motion expert in a former life. I found nothing though. I went back and  took the spare toilet tissue from the staff toilet to mop up - our need was greater for the moment. Did I mention that I moved other people's desks as well?

I tracked down a gardener who was in the staff room (obviously smarter than the average gardener - even the ducks are stayng home) - another umbrella trip- who told me that Bill was the man for leaks.So I rang Bill, after working out that a 0 [zero] needed to be dialed before dialling a mobile number, and he was really excited about coming over to plug leaks.

I decamped to the photcopy room to make OHTs for an English class tomorrow - we are deconstructing magazines - so I wasn't there when Bill arrived. I thought the babes could handle it. Weapons of Bill's choice appeared to be a cat's litter tray and 6 cotton tea towels. Our cup runneth over - literally, our cup runneth over.

So today was a case of slip, slop and splash. I knew I had a bucket in front of my desk and about every 15 seconds a plop could be heard as the water level rose, but with my gold fish memory I had to keep telling myself, oh that's the bucket. 

A long day, where the prac teachers were more than just wet behind the ears, was had by all.

Weather forecast for Thursday - more rain, heavier at times and strong winds. Now if only I still had that vinyl jumpsuit from the 1970s....

Aries
There is a sense of rebellion in the air and you may feel the urge to get in your car and just keep driving - and we all know what that feels like especially if you have a car you can put the roof down on! Very Thelma and Louise! Just be mindful not to take any risks today and if you are driving, please take it easy on the roads. AstroZone

onto infinity and beyond....

SWKK is leaving today.

Ever one is getting very edgy at work. Some of it may be due to the sugar high we all got from the pre-pre Christmas farewell morning tea we gave ourselves this morning. SWKK wanted it and said “lets do food and gifts” next Friday and we all said yes,  okay, we will, in that weak voice you get when you are being polite, but completely lack enthusiasm of any kind. Then  I decided god damn it I am going to take my flex day on Friday after all and changed my hair appointment to Friday and said I can’t make Friday for food and gifts, and lo, SWKK said what about Thursday? and hence the sugar high.

We came with our little gifts – except for SWKK who said something about bringing hers tomorrow, next week, whatever. We of course handed ours over…I have no doubt that she will produce something for us before she leaves next week, but I suspect, I know, it will be of lesser value. The Assistant gave her a musical snow globe, from one of the cheap and nasty shops we all love so much, only when SWKK went to play the music there was no key with which to wind it , so she just got to shake it….poetic isn’t it! Best big jolly I had this week!

SWKK also made a pavlova. Now, a good Aussie pav is always filled with cream and topped with fruits such as strawberries, kiwi fruit, passionfruit etc. Well, the Assistant wont eat fruit. She was traumatized by a banana at an early age and so won’t go near any fruit item. So SWKK, in her milk of human kindness mode, flavoured the whipped cream with chocolate powder and put chocolate flakes over the top. We all went, mmmm mmmm, lovely. And it was to a degree, but it just didn’t seem right. A pavlova has fruit, and chocolate whipped cream just seemed like blasphemy. Maybe it is the catholic side of me again. Some things you don’t mess with…however it was nice.

Now, with sugar pulsating through every vein and artery, we feel like punching people out. Especially the people who feign empathy or sympathy but it is really just a guise to gather gossip. GO AWAY. GO AWAY NOW, BEFORE I SMASH YOUR FACE INTO WHAT REMAINS OF THE CHOCOLATE PAV.

The End – may it be soon.

Intranet message to all staff from SWKK : The label maker is with me

She got 9 instant replies : I hope that you will be very happy together.

I didn’t notice at first, but home alone in the Basement of Discontent this afternoon, I found myself just sitting there swinging back and forth on my chair. Blank mind. Just swingin’. I was “basement” alone all day. The Assistant took the day off to go update her will – hopefully she decided what to do with her mother’s ashes at the same time too, as they are still in a box in the living room. It is a very nice box, but it is still in the living room. SWKK is still in a fugue and takes leave most Fridays and Mondays now so she can sit at home and perfect her fugue for Tuesdays. Better than sitting in the office and doing nothing I guess…you could find yourself just swinging on your chair otherwise.

Boss didn’t come in. Sent various cryptic messages during the day. He would be in at noon, or maybe 2pm – make that not at all. His mobile was off, it was on silent, send text messages only – no one bothered to do any of the above. We have lived three years without asking him anything, why start now with only 28 working days to go before we are all “Ho, Ho, Home you go, and stay there!”?

Tell me cosmos – does office chair swinging qualify as a form of exercise? Will I develop great calf muscles? Or dislocate a hip? Is it ever going to be a demonstration sport at the Olympics?  I can sort of see it slotting into London, that center of business acumen and CBD of many office chairs. Give it a new twist on the label “Swinging London”.

Excitingly, I appear to have spontaneously perfected the left to right swing action. I can swing and still read my computer screen too. Not bad for a one eyed hen! I am so proud of me. I never cease to thrill and amaze myself with my many and varied talents.  I also do it with great agility and style. God, I am good. Not unexpected that I am though.

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On another note – what is it about redundancy that makes you want to steal office supplies? Useless stuff like rubber thumb stalls (those little rubber thingies that you see bank tellers wearing on the ends of their fingers when they count notes) and conference name holders with pins to wear on your shirt. Not a lot of call for either when unemployed I fear.

Knowing that you are about to be pushed out the exit door makes you kind of ANGRY. However you can’t be too angry as these are the schmucks youed to give you a reference when you leave. So you peruse the office supplies and cast your eye over boxes of lead pencils and bags of rubber bands. Totally mindless stuff. But somehow the thought of lifting it just seems so comforting. So warm and fluffy and inviting. Take me, take me…

And then Sister Mary Ethel Rita steps back into your mind and you see her there with her leather strap and you halt, hand quivering mid air. Maybe not. It probably wouldn’t be the right printer cartridge for our printer anyway…

Maybe tomorrow will offer better pickings anyway. I think someone said a bulk delivery of Kleenex tissues was due Tuesday…that I could use, crying all the way Ho Ho Home.

Mental Health Day, Doona Day, Chucking a Sickie, No Show Day, call it what you will but I am not going to work today. I can't take the Cry Me a River Sisters (SWKK and The Assistant) Today.

not playing today

Besides we don't get paid out for our accumulated sick days so in the great Australian tradition we all plan to use them up before we are shown the door on, Ho Ho Ho Home you go, and stay there Christmas Eve!

the wicked Megabitch is gone

She Who Is Going to Kill Me with Kindness (SWKK) went into overdrive and organised everyone into bringing something for morning tea farewell. She told each person what to bring. Lovely list of food. MegaBitch made her entrance into the office and said "oh all that lovely food - but I am gluten intolerant!"

I almost burst my brain cells holding back my enjoyment. SWKK had been in all her glory doing a good deed, forcing our hatred for MegaBitch aside, organising food - 99% wheat products!!!!! And then MegaBitch had to sit there and watch us all enjoying the food while all she could eat was the camembert I took in!!!!! (Which wasn't on SWKK's list but hey we all know I break rules)

MegaBitch came around later in the day and gave me a hug - and we all know that I don't do hugs- but we wished each other well...she said she hoped I would find happiness in a new job, and I  said "well we had quite an adventure, didn't we",,, and we let it at that.

Watch out London and Paris she is all yours!

  End of Chapter

In a mood to add to my “Stick List” (people to hit with a stick on the last day) today. And let’s face it, the last day is looming much closer now – officially CHRISTMAS EVE! Yep they are wrapping us up on Christmas Eve – happy Christmas everyone, go home and oh don’t come back….

However, I digress. My stick list. I have warned Assistant and She Who is Going to Kill Me With Kindness (SWKK) that I am tetchy, apparently the full moon is somewhere in my whatsit, and certain parts of my anatomy hurt, and though they both have some credit in the good will department they had better not do anything today to erode that goodwill or they may make a late entry to my stick list.

SWKK has gone into high gear. MegaBitch leaves on Friday and of course human decency has overtaken a few of us (yes, apparently I have some human decency, deep though it be) and now we are going to all “bring a plate” for a morning tea. No cards or gifts that is going too far – but we will suffer through a last supper… See, this is why I don’t like doing nice. Nice means you end up being polite to people you really want to run over with a city bus.

Missed a change of the lights this morning,  because an old lady failed to move her car along in the line. She just sat there, and despite a couple of horns bellowing (NOT ME) she still just stayed motionless in her car. I started to fear that maybe she was dead or something and wondered if I should race up and pull her out of her car and onto the road surface and administer CPR or mouth to mouth. As I pondered whether action was required or not, I also lamented the fact that I had not packed a pair of false lips in the off chance that I had to administer mouth to mouth to an old lady…but then she sprang to life and hurtled through a late amber light. Time her family took a part out of the car to stop Mummy driving I fear….

Daughter 2 who sent me a text on Monday saying that she was in England and worried about all the money she has spent, just sent me a message that she is in Harrods shopping! She also said that she had bought a present for me, so we won’t say too much. She will be home late next week…yeah. My nest will be complete, momentarily.

A young man walked by me yesterday and he not only had his ipod stuck in his ear, but he was also playing with a Rubik’s Cube. Remember those – was it the 70s or the 80s? I remember I needed the cheat sheet and still failed. Everything old does become new again doesn’t it?

We have one young man in our inner office. Single and about 25. Poor guy has the habit of walking into the open office area every morning just as the females are discussing, well feminine subjects. Yesterday Assistant was going off her brain about someone she had seen in the bathroom, whom as she put it “had just transacted an up close and personal transaction with a certain female part of her anatomy as one does on a monthly basis” and then proceeded to walk out of the bathroom without washing her hands. Well the conversation had started when I declared that the UN or some organization had created International Hand Washing Day and the conversation slid down from there. Today he walked in as I called down the office to someone “Why buy the cow if the milk is for free”. I was relating one of my mother’s home spun bits of advice given to my daughters. He is going to be a well educated young man, with clear and precise insights into the female mind. Or in need of severe medication…

How far ahead are the Nobel prizes decided? Is it just coincidence that Paul Krugman won the prize for Economics for discussing a theory that USA (God love you, because few others do, right now) is the root of all economic evil and the creator of our global financial melt down? A popular theory currently I must admit. I am amazed at the number of television programs and articles purveying just those sentiments… if everyone knew, why didn’t someone share the little tale with someone who cared? Or did no one care?  I see a fine opportunity to add to my stick list here…

Mr FD saw a program on sleep disorders being advertised. He called to me from another room “I don’t have any sleep disorders, do I FD?” What can one say? “Except for the many and varied nocturnal conversations, the strange breathing pattern, the funny little body leaps, and the constant waking, no dear you don’t.” There was no further response, except I heard him using the remote to preselect the program!

Hey Sam, don’t play it again, or play the old song one more time, let’s have a whole new tune, if we may please….