4 posts tagged “the boy”

Have you ever been drawn into a conversation, just to be polite in a social gathering where, as it progresses it takes on a turn that makes you feel comfortable, but once again, out of politeness you maintain a presence?

Well, that happened to me last night and even hours later I am upset about it. Last night was Daughter1 and The Boy’s engagement /housewarming party. It was at their home, I just had to supply most of the contents of my kitchen. The person who delivered this distress upon me is MrFD’s  Rotating BIL. We call him rotating because he had an affair [after 25 years of marriage and it was more a symptom of a bad marriage than the cause if you get my drift], Mr FD’s sister threw him out for over a year,  took him back, then wanted to throw him out again but he refused to go so they lived in separate parts of the house and now after another year she has taken him back [ to what degree I don’t want to know].

He is very tall, very loud and always negative and competitive. She thinks everyone thinks he is a god. We know everyone is just being nice for her sake. In 25 years of knowing him, we have never come close to being able to stay close to him for any length of time. Mr FD bristles with him very fast, so it always fell to me to spend time with Rotator – of course Mr FD paid for it later, as he does whenever I am lumped with quality time with MrFD’s father also. I think his sister just married a bigger version of her father but that is another blog.

ANYWAY, Rotator is a burned out teacher and has gone into an unsuccessful career in real estate. He was talking to another person, also a long time teacher though semi retired. One thing I have found in this age group is that they don’t like change... mention powerpoint presentation to them and they grow pale and shake. They are the type of people that should have left teaching a long time ago as they are not willing to equip the students with the skills they need for today. And while I am mentioning this, let me be clear that there are a lot more teachers in this age group who do embrace change and technology and are exactly what the students need.

Rotator thinks he is an intellectual giant too – yes has an opinion about everything and always negative. So he launches into a tirade against the government and outcomes based education and starts asking me questions, because obviously I have the most recent information on what is happening in the field. I tried to answer the questions honestly and fairly with the knowledge I have, but am honest that I don’t understand it all as yet, maybe never will. Rotator always has his negative agenda working though and so starts to twist the questions so that I have to answer things in a negative way about teaching, the education department and the university I attend. Now, not that there aren’t negative aspects but there are some really positive ones too, and as we all know that some issues have multiple parts to them.

After awhile I noticed that the people around us had stopped talking, probably because Rotator has such a BIG VOICE. They are listening and some are sitting with heads on the side to listen better....I feel embarrassed that they may think that the opinions being addressed are really my own. They aren’t. Rotator is working to put down something that I appear to be achieving that he failed at doing...agenda item 1. I was also trying to be polite as this is the first time we had seen him with Sister since last year – for her sake, because she will tear flesh from Mr FD otherwise we remain polite [ MR FD was collateral damage in the first break up due to no fault of his own] .

As the conversation went on and I exhausted myself trying to put a positive on the negative I gave up. I said I was feeling ill, not untrue, and Mr FD and I left. Other people were leaving so we felt that it was ok to come home – Daughter1 understood.  

Well, Daughter understood to the point that Rotator and wife were the last to leave, bar Daughter2. Apparently they led them to the front porch in the hope they would go home but they continued talking and talking until Daughter1 was going to say WILL YOU GO HOME ALRIGHT!

So today, I am feeling horrible. I was drawn into participating in a conversation that was not me, and I didn’t say , you are full of crap, to someone who is full of crap. Someone should have said that to him years ago. And someone should have said that to Mr FD’s sister too, except she has a vicious tongue – one of those people who can dish it out but won’t take it in return. I did it out of loyalty to Mr FD, to maintain family harmony, and to be polite. So if all those things are so honourable, why do I feel so bad today?

I guess that I don’t want people to think that might be the person that I am. I don’t want people to have received information that is tainted.  I would hate if Daughter1 and The Boy’s friends thought that I was a horrible old battle axe. Sigh.  Can’t win this one I know, but I am angry that Rotator is back in the fold and causing issues again. Luckily we only socialise at major family events... and if lucky they may be separated by the time Daughter1’s wedding comes around!

On the up side, as Mr FD and I were leaving the party we were able to reunite a lost dog with its owners, so maybe that will balance my karma for the day. I suppose in my own heart I know that I am a better person than that and maybe that is all I should worry about. I can live with me.

Daughter2 and I have a code. If she sends me a text saying that she feels unwell, I reply with a text that just says Stoke, Pat, Rub. It is code for a Mummy hug. She replies AAAHHHH or Purr, or sigh. It appears to work. She has a cold. She wants to bring her germs home at the weekend – an offer no mother can  resist!

I have an internal locus of control in an extended family of external locus of control. No wonder I march to a different anxiety! Queen of my own destiny vs catastrophe thinking.  I see clearly now. I may cry.

I sent a text to The Boy upon hearing of the official engagement. It read – Listen very carefully, I will say this only once (ok it was a text, not a voice message, so maybe not the best start). Take care of our girl, or I will tie you upside down from the clothes lines and spin it really hard. I know where you live. Welcome to the Family, The Boy. Flamingo Dancer. I like to start on the right foot, and a good dose of healthy fear in the beginning is always a great start, I think. Kiss Kick Kiss principle. He replied: Thank you, I like a good spin on a Hills Hoist!

Do you ever stop and wonder why? Just,  why?  No, me neither.

The family next door have a swimming pool. Their pool pump appears to be on overload and is making a noise, night and day. The noise is slowly turning me insane (well, more insane). Is there a swimming pool equivalent of postal? Poolal? Whatever, they are going to get it, if they don’t turn the damn thing down soon  (I think I am channeling my mother now – the birds, the birds!) Anyway, the cute little girl with the curls who always cries and screams in the pool is gonna get it first. Then the boy who throws things over our fence and I have to throw back (the things, not the boy thought there is a thought). Kapow!  I have my rubber duckies assembled…

Mother-in-law is messing with my mind. First the Big Whatever and now SHE! I phoned her – yes, even she was stunned- to inform her of the engagement and somehow in the conversation I ended up saying “Oh that’s because I am absolutely perfect” (I was joking, Joyce, though it may be truth)…and the damn woman AGREED! After more than 32 years she gives me a compliment! What a wasted life – her's, not mine. I am a gift to humanity.

I am saddened that people consider the internet little more than a money making device. I shouldn’t be expected to pay money for an online photo of a children’s magazine (Teddy Bear Magazine) from the 1960s when I actually have copies in my cupboard, but am too lazy to photograph for my reading history assignment. There is no justice in the world. Another thing to change when I am Queen of the Universe.

Speaking of family games. My sister has been away so I just sent them a text about the engagement. She returns home last night and phones me. She asks me what is “news”. I say didn’t you get my text? Apparently, though they got the phone at Christmas, they don’t know how to open text messages (yes I will show them). So I tell her “the news”. She acts all surprised. We talk on – then she lets slip that Mother had told her, but Mother wasn’t sure if she should be telling other people. Geeze Louise this family! I had told Mother that it was public news – hell the world knows! She was lower on the list than my blog readers! Why do they always play this game of not knowing when they know – always keeping secrets?  They drive me crazier. If I didn’t want them to know I would not tell them… as obviously they can’t keep secrets! They incomplete me.

The End

I AM GOING TO BE A MOTHER IN LAW!

The Boy proposed to Daughter1 on the steps of Old Parliament House, Canberra today!

And for the Aussies - yes they did a take on Gough Whitlam and his "Well might God save the Queen, for nothing will save the Govenor-General" speech - I told you The Boy was pure Flamingo Dancer! He wanted a spot that they could always return too! Extended Flamingo Dancing!

a flock of Flamingo Dancers in their natural habitat

The Flamingo Dancer family met without incident, blood shed or clothes lines swinging. I think they recognised a woman on the edge. Grandma Flamingo Dancer only asked Daughter2 6 times if she had given her a birthday card, so things went pretty well. Daughter2 had a choc jaffa gluten free cake and Grandma had a carrot cake. We had candles, we had pictures we had too much food and lots of laughter so it was probably a good day for me really.

AND Anna Bligh's state government was returned so I keep sleep easily for another couple of years. Obama is in the white house, Kevin Rudd is our Prime Minister and Anna Bligh's Labor government has been returned for another term. I have to stop listening to the doom sayers who get their big jollies from sprouting doom and gloom and pretending to be an expert. I am tired of people telling us that things are going to get worse, worse, worser, worsiest (I know not correct grammar or english but I have a point to make!).  As the quote goes "did you ever see a headline that says psychic wins lottery!"? No. It is the unknown that keeps us all going. If it was predestined well then we would not have bothered climbing out from under our rocks would we? It is innate in humankind to cling to hope, and I refuse, hear me, I REFUSE to let anyone tell me that life can't be different, better, betterest (yeah, yeah, I know, not a word, but language is dynamic and I am altering for my use!)  So the Big Brothers and their experts, go pipe your music somewhere else. I am making my own tune over here.

Anyway, I digress. I cooked, we ate...

no bar-b-que is complete without FD's famous smashed baked potatoes

(the smashed bit is great for getting rid of pre-guest agression, of which I usually have a lot)

The Boy charmed everyone anew. I noticed that my sister is more comfortable with The Boy after just 2 meetings than she is with her own son-in-law after 7 years - and he is equally as nice. The Boy has a way I must say.

Everyone left about 5pm except for Daughter 2 who spent the night. I was exhausted - so much being nice. Controlling my baser instincts...especially when my mother's politics are sooooo right wing and not based on any logic, but she is 82 and went through WWII and the white Australia policy era,  and so she is allowed. Everyone just goes quiet when she voices her opinion. No comment.

Today back to the world of assignments ....I warned MR FD that he will be living with a monster until Easter. He didn't comment - I suspect he wont notice the difference!